“I knew we could make it.” My father-in-law motioned to his wife and two sons. We were sitting around the table at the annual year-end meeting with our ag lender, running the numbers from 2014 and discussing the future of the farm.
My father-in-law then pointed to my sister-in-law and me. “They’re the ones who will determine how successful we’ll be.”
It was the second time in a week that he had said in no uncertain terms the future of the Pratt farm depended on his daughters-in-law.
Why so much attention? Family business consultant, Jolene Brown writes: “A daughter-in-law often marries into a generations-old family business with literally hundreds of unwritten rules and an unexpressed code of conduct. Her issues range from trying to understand her husband’s interactions within the family and business to finding a role for herself. Maybe she’s given up her job and home to live in a more rural setting and now faces expectations, uncertainties, loneliness, and a wish that she could just fit in.”(Full article here.)
Even with a farming background, joining another farm family isn’t easy. Just as the daughter-in-law struggles to find her place, so to are the other family members. Will she be a sign-on-the-dotted-line business partner? Will she be the silent support at home? Will she love the farm as does the family, or one day up and leave?
So with daughters-in-law on my mind, I watched pieces of the premiere of ABC’s The Bachelor and wondered about the future daughter-in-law for this farm family.
The Bachelor is Chris Soules. He is a fourth generation farmer raising 6,000 acres of corn and soybeans with his family near Arlington, Iowa. He was one of the finalists on the last season of The Bachelorette, until he admitted he had no intention of leaving the farm. So the bachelorette left him.
This time around I hope Soules is upfront with his plans. However, he is quoted in a People Magazine article, “My goal in being The Bachelor was to find someone I first could just fall in love with and think and hope and believe she is my soul mate . . . compromise is the next thing to focus on.”
As a farmer’s daughter-in-law, I can say the time to compromise comes shortly after the falling in love part and not after the final rose is given. When a woman marries a farmer, she also commits to the farm and the attached family.
The Farmer’s Wife
As I chose him
I chose this land,
This Life
and always knew that as his wife
midst labors never done,
by love we three were wed;
we and the land are one.
My father-in-law gave this to my sister-in-law and me on our respective wedding days. With each anniversary as My Farmer’s wife, I understand the message more and do hope that amid all the tears, dream dates and fantasy suites, The Bachelor (and his farm family) finds a woman who can do the same.
I grew up on a farm but my experience was quite different. My dad had another business, as well, so the farm was like a para-business. Thanks for sharing the insight.
Everyone has a different experience, and I do hope #TheBachelor has found his true love and she will be accepting of the country life. Thanks for commenting.
As a city girl I had no idea I had married a farmer, although I knew he was a son of a farmer, until the day I came home from classes and found a tractor, corn picker and 2 wagons in front of our little rented house in town. I complained that some farmer had taken my parking space… his answer ‘I need to talk to you about that’. I’m not sure if he should have told me before we were married, or if he did it right by springing it on me after we were married 3 years. You would think I would have figured it out by now since that was 55 years ago.
Oh my! What a wonderful story. Congratulations on 55 years of marriage.
Very good article, Mrs. Katie, much truth!
Thanks!
I’m sure you are a great support and help! Thanks for sharing! I never looked at a farmer like that, but it’s so true that his wife is a huge part of the farm’s success and future.
This really is giving me food for thought. I have a full time job off of the farm so it makes me wonder, am I living up to being a farmer’s wife?! What can I be doing better? This was really great to read, thanks for posting it!
I’m in awe of the farmers’ wives who work full-time and come home to the farm life. I don’t know how you can juggle everything. We can do the best we know how. Never second guess yourself or compare to another. Every life is different.
One of the first things a successful farm wife learns to do is live with her mistakes.
And her farmer should follow suit. ; )
This is spot on, Katie! I think I needed to read something like this right now too. Being married to Alan, it makes a huge difference that he is a farmer. Non-farmers often do not understand this. I am glad that you FIL gets how important the Farmer’s Wife is! 🙂 Blessings in the new year! Leesa
I (city girl who barely knew the difference between a cow and a bull) married a generational farmer 5 years ago. My husband found this article and left it up for me to read. There is Nothing more challenging and difficult than trying To figure out how to fit in and How to find a purpose in both farm life and family dynamics. Even with all the changes and challenging times, I am sure of one thing and that is I wouldn’t trade it for anything or anyone in the entire world. I do feel this is a big topic that is extremely difficult to find support and encouragement on.
Thanks for sharing Beka and good luck in your journey as a farm wife. We do need to support each other and recognize that not everyone’s experience will be the same, but I think our love for our “farmers”, the farm and the life we build are universal.